I hate Justine Bieber. I’ve wrote about her before, but my disdain only continues to grow. And to properly express my feelings, I thought I’d write an open letter to ~her~.
Dear Justin Bieber,
I’d like to start off by saying I’m sorry. Sorry that no one likes you — no one with good taste and of importance. Your music is crap and you look like SNL’s caricature of a little white boy. But let’s be honest here, you are a huge cash cow and Errsherr (Usher) is milking you for everything you’re worth before even kids start hating you.
The worst part is that you probably think people genuinely like you. The whole debacle with Kim Kardashian? With your fans threatening her? You don’t think she really liked you, at all… right? Come on, the girl married a guy as a publicity stunt. You have to know that you were too.
And your duet with Mariah on the “remake” of her Christmas single “All I Want For Christmas Is You?” Jeez, she must be REALLY desperate. You know that right? The fact that she’d sully her own legacy by doing a song with you? Copy and pasting your vocals on her original track and rereleasing it? With her albums flopping left and right, it was probably a last resort to stay relevant.
Your fans are probably the worst. They are delusional if they think you have good music — they got to be. Fans of yours are NOT fans of music. They hate music and are probably fat too. Their favorite television show is Hellcats and anything else broadcast on The CW network. They are Team Edward and have Twilight themed lower back tattoos. The fact that you’re doing a dubstep album is their dream come true.
They will obviously disagree with me, but their opinion is invalid and unnecessary, because they like you. Besides, I take their opposition as a compliment. The day I get the approval of a Belieber is the day I reevaluate my life and choices.
If the AMA’s has contributed anything to society, in place of its lack in prestige, it’s that it showed the world how TERRIBLE of a performer you truly are. That’s enough, Bieber. Your music sucks. So stop it, Bieber. You’re not cool and you don’t have swag. Go away, Bieber. I look forward to the day where I can read the news and about current events/popular culture without any trace of you. Oh, and Merry Christmas.
Cheers,
Charlie
Addendum: Honestly, if he wasn’t such a self-absorbed douche he probably wouldn’t be so bad, but I still wouldn’t like his music. My opinion of that comes from the most true part of my heart. But what do I expect from a guy who grew up as a child with millions of fans? Duh, he’s a douche. And not the funny kind like Schmidt from New Girl.
