Play the Bulk & Skull theme song from the Mighty Morphin’ Power Ranger soundtrack (http://goo.gl/y8J44), then pretend you slipped on a banana peel and try to catch your balance. An occasional elongated “WHOoOooOOoooOAAa!” elevates it to the next level and only adds to the fun.
Chas: Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We’re all dead. Burned to a crisp.
Royal: I’m very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman.
Chas: Looks like you and Dad are back together again, huh.
Richie: He’s your dad too, Chas.
Chas: No, he’s not.
Richie: Yes, he is.
Chas: You really hate me, don’t you?
Richie: No. I don’t. I love you.
Chas: Well, I don’t know what you think you’re gonna get out of this, but believe me, whatever it is, it’s not worth it.
Richie: Chas. I don’t want to hurt you. I know what you and the boys have been through. You’re my brother and I love you.
Chas: Stop saying that!
Royal: You know, Richie, this illness, this closeness to death… it’s had a profound affect on me. I feel like a different person, I really do.
Richie: Dad, you were never dying.
Royal: But I’m going to live.
Royal: [Points to Henry] He’s not your father.
Margot: Neither are you.
Chas: Why did you try to kill yourself?
Ethel: Don’t press him right now.
Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah. Right after I regained consciousness.
Chas: Can we read it?
Chas: Can you paraphrase it for us?
Richie: I don’t think so.
Chas: Is it dark?
Richie: Of course it’s dark, it’s a suicide note.
Eli: [to Richie] I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum, you know?
Royal: [quietly] Me too. Me too.
Eli: It doesn’t mean what it used to though, does it?
Eli: I wish you’d’ve done this for me when I was a kid.
Richie: But you didn’t have a drug problem then.
Eli: Yeah, but it still would’ve meant a lot to me.
Margot’s Theme: The Vince Guaraldi Trio song “Christmastime is Here” from A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Jokes aside, please vote tomorrow. Even if you’re not voting for Obama/Biden. Go out and do it! I’m so excited, but I’m nervous. Praying for my President!
I am your biggest fan
Wow. This is very… Well, I’m not going to say I’m surprised, because I’m not. But I am shocked that you decided to send this message.
First of all, thank you. Your love and support means a lot to me. I am here where I am because of fans like you. I will be forever grateful.
I’d also like to say that, while I do appreciate the encouragement, there is a line that you should not cross. Please do not continue to harass me or I will call the cops on you. And I will file that restraining order. If the stalking continues, I will have no choice but to notify the proper authorities and prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. I guarantee that there will be jail time.
You have been warned…
Stories of times a child said the most innocently funny things.
I played Princess Tiana for a festival (I’m black obviously), we always tried to dance with the little girls. One girl tugged my dress so I Leaned in to listen to what she had to say, she handed me a little sack of candy gold coins and said “here’s some chocolate for you because it matches your skin :D”. It was just so good.
My 3 year old daughter likes to tell random people about my beard. I’m a woman. I have no facial hair. It may be time to stop being naked around her.
In the midst of potty training my daughter, my wife took her into a public bathroom. Apparently the person in the neighboring stall was audibly taking a dump, which prompted my daughter to loudly say “good job pooping! I’m so proud of you!”
My good friend’s eldest son (12 years old at the time) decided to shave his head in anticipation for the movie Avatar: The Last Airbender coming out. His 3 year old brother asked for the same, but his parents tried to convince him he shouldn’t. The 3 year old cried and was really upset, so they decided fine, let’s shave his head. The boys run around, happy as can be. About an hour later, the youngest says “Okay mom, you can put my hair back now.” Had to explain that wasn’t quite how it worked… Whoops.
In sex-ed at school the subject of erections came up (lol?). I asked for more details. When informed I told the female teacher (and a fair few female peers) “Oh, I get those!”.